Just go to Milan, Frank

We've all learned to take pretty much anything in the media during the transfer window with a grain of salt. The summer transfer window, where most big signings take place, is three months of rumor, innuendo and outright lies. Who can blame them? Football is a year-round sport, and there are countless pages to fill when there isn't any action.

The Euros should've taken up the majority of reporting, but given England's much-maligned inability to qualify for the tournament, the typical transfer sagas began in full earnest from the UK papers. But it seems like we've been talking about Frank Lampard for years, specifically what he'll do when his contract at Stamford Bridge is up.

The debacle that ensued after Luiz Felipe Scolari's presentation as the new Chelsea manager pretty much sums up the current state of footie for me. I know that since the Bosman ruling, which transferred the bulk of bargaining power from clubs to individual players, this has been going on year after year. However, what makes this a whole new ballgame is the amount of money we're talking about.

Arsene Wenger has come out to lament the current "mercenary" state of football, but I'm not sure why he's suddenly complaining about it. Could it be that loyalty no longer matters in football? Of course, and the Arsenal gaffer will find it increasingly difficult to hang onto or mold a squad and keep all of his players intact.

The chain of events following Scolari's claim that Lampard wished to end his career at Chelsea were so transparent and buffoonish, yet so typical. As soon as Lamps saw Scolari make the claim, he rushed to the Chelsea chief executive Peter Kenyon to tell him he never said such a thing.

Perhaps all is lost in translation, but given Scolari's worldliness and mastery of English, I highly doubt there was a misunderstanding. Big Phil knew what he was doing, and so did Lamps. Or so he thought.

Claiming that his client wished to end his career at Stamford Bridge, but that Chelsea were "not allowing" him to do so by not giving him a five year deal vs. the four they've offered, Lampard's agent may have seen all of his typical work in deceit undermined.

I can understand Lampard trying to get all that he can at the end of his career, but if it's true that the Blues have offered $280K/wk, which would make him the highest paid Englishman (until John Terry renews his contract), he's got his priorities jumbled. Five more years would see him at the Bridge until 35, a fairly useless age in football, especially at the top level.

Shouldn't Lampard be thinking about where his best chances to win are? Shouldn't he be thinking about winning the Champions League? Is one more year of $14.6 worth missing out on that? What happens when the Blues give in, give him that fifth year and Inter lift the Scudetto and the European Cup?

I suppose the thing that bothers me the most is that the notion of an Englishman, especially one in the top-flight, does not feel motivated by challenges abroad. The days of players like Liam Brady spending half of their career in Serie A are gone. Could this one of the reasons why England stink it up on the international stage?

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Who's next for Chelsea?

Despite nudging Chelsea into the realm of big-time footy, albeit with an infusion of funds of speculative origin, Roman Abramovich has seemingly completed the task of turning Stamford Bridge into a new Siberia. And I don't mean it's Siberia because visiting teams never get more than a point there, but because the Russian billionaire has effectively frightened off any manager with any notions of reality. While we all knew Avram Grant's days were numbered since he began, most obviously by the lack of support from most of the squad, the Israeli's sacking officially labeled the club as not only a trinket for Abramovich, but a manifestation of his megalomania.

You can't criticize an owner for wanting to win it all. Abramovich was able to take a competent squad compiled by Claudio Ranieri, and added the key ingredient in Jose Mourinho. But unless there's another gaffer out there like the Special One, anyone who takes that job will suffer the same fate as Grant. If one can get in, win some silver and do it one's own way, then perhaps there's a chance. But if that's more optimism than reality, very few will hope to stay longer than perhaps a year or a bit more.

There's a lot of bleating on about how managers don't get enough time to mold their clubs into winning sides, almost as much as the is complaint about the high number of foreigners in the English Premier League. How does a potential manager get the chance to mold a squad with his vision, to get time to assemble a side that will compete? The short answer is that he doesn't.

Top flight management is more a mercenary occupation than ever before. Does Roman Abramovich really want to give a guy like Mark Hughes time to build a squad as he did at Blackburn? Of course not. In Abramovich's mind, he's one or two pieces away from what he wants: a dominant side both in England and in Europe. The manager isn't necessarily the visionary in this case, but rather another part of the machinery. As soon as Jose Mourinho ceased being merely a part was the beginning of his demise as Chelsea manager.

And that is why Inter Milan is so perfect for Mourinho. Serie A champions at a time when Juventus has yet to assert itself and AC Milan is in a rebuilding stage, there only remains the Champions League to be won. If Jose Mourinho cannot grasp the trophy with the Nerazurri, realistically who can? Sure, Massimo Moratti can be as tyrannical as the worst soccer despot, but it's highly unlikely that Mourinho is in it for the long haul in Milan. Inter are just another notch on the Special One's bedpost, another domino to fall in his attempt to conquer the continent.

Chelsea's future may seem muddled, but if Avram Grant can get the Blues to within three points of winning the league and into the European Cup final, you have to think Abramovich isn't worried about who the next manager will be. The notion of a club built and modeled on the vision of a great manager is gone. You can point to Sir Alex Ferguson with Manchester United and Arsene Wenger with Arsenal, but these are gaffers that are at the top of the game in the world. Considering the money at stake and the rabid impatience of fans, all that matters is silver, there's very little advantage of giving a manager time unless the goal is to establish a mid-table team as a consistent mid-table team.

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Adeus Jose

So the Portugeezer's finally gone, the result of Roman Abramovich's dissatisfaction with his gaffer's lack of "entertaining" play. I can understand where RA's coming from, when you've got Wenger's kids playing some sparkling stuff just up the road, but has he noticed how many trophies Arsenal has won in the last few years? Sure, we love watching the pretty, attacking stuff, but lifting some silver typically overshadows that, as far as history is concerned.

And who is there to step in as Mourinho collects his payout and moves on? Avram Grant, who does have a reputation for handling big names, if you can call any of Israel's players big names. But this is a guy who is essentially tactically the same as Jose Mourinho, albeit without the charisma (and the svelte figure in an overcoat).

We all knew something was stirring when the Schevchenko experiment seemed to blow up in everyone's face at Stamford Bridge, in addition to the hirings of Grant and Frank Arnesen, but it seems a bit foolish on the Russian billionaire's part. Sure, I know you have to whip it out and swordfight a bit when you're such a powerful guy, but c'mon . . . is losing arguably one of the greatest motivational and tactical managers in the English game for the last few years the way you want to turn it around and win "at least 2 European Cups"?

Unless another big name slips into Jose's seat (warmed by Grant), I'd be hard-pressed to bet on the Blues going any further than where they are now, and even then the turmoil at the Bridge has got Chelsea fans reeling.

The new man in the Chelsea hot seat [BBC Football]

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This Just In: Jose Mourinho Ain't Stupid

Have you ever commandeered a shopping cart at the store and stumbled upon a long-gone consumer's shopping list? I've been lucky enough to find some really interesting lists, profound not because of the individual ingredients, but the totality of them. For instance, the one I found that simply listed Robitussin, beer, razor blades and bleach pretty much leads me to believe that my own life might not be that bad after all. Of course, I'm not a handwriting analyst, so I can't tell what stage of desperation this particular shopper was in, or perhaps that he had a big day of window-cleaning and whites-laundering to look forward to over a case of suds.

I am reminded of this only because, by virtue of Chelsea's miserable display against Aston Villa over the weekend, we are blessed with an inside glimpse of Jose Mourinho's deft and masterful continental mind. Of course, all this means nothing, as most of the hoopla surrounding Chelsea's soon-to-be demise (Ballack and Sheva are out, as if that matters, and more importantly, Frankie Lamps' absence from his post in midfield actually exposed the Blues as an ineffective team coming up the middle without him. Despite the depth in Mourinho's squad, there is no wealth of weapons as in Liverpool, where Peter Crouch spends most of his time riding the pine). Unfortunately, there is no mention of anything to the effect of "Avram's a tosser", nor were there any Simpsons-esque renderings of Rafa Benitez in the margins of the Portugeezer's notebook (wide-ruled, with Hello Kitty beaming out from the cover).

Mourinho reveals restless mind in the absense of notable victory [Times Online]

Footballers are a girl's best friend

"There's no 'I' in team", along with "two heads are better than one" are often heard when adults attempt to instill a sense of camaraderie and teamwork, or at least when some of football's finest are in the middle of roasting an eager groupie.

As much as I agree with the sentiment of those adages in the first case, I'm not sure how Titi's soon-to-be-ex and Frankie Lamps' much-cheated-on baby's momma can benefit from each other. Sure, there's something to be said for good 'ol support and a shoulder to rely on, but it's more likely that Ms. Merry and Ms. Rives could be talking divorce lawyers.

The funniest part of this story is that Fat Frank is using his Gary Coleman look-alike teammate Sean Wright-Phillips as a liason between himself and Rives. Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Elen?

[Sunday Herald, Daily Mail]

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Peter Kenyon: EPL Iconoclast

Chelsea and former-Manchester United chief executive Peter Kenyon has come out with a stunning revelation about the Red Devil's summer spending. Money quote:

"Splashing out huge amounts is no guarantee of winning titles. We believe in the team we've got here, and we do not want to go around spending £100million every year."

Really . . . .

'Big buys don't guarantee title,' snaps Kenyon at United [Daily Mail]

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Hmmm . . . .

Ever seen Avram Grant and the Grinch from Dr. Seuss in the same room? Coincidence? I think not.

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The Grab: 03.14

We're about to see Sir Paul get screwed out of about $56M by the former porn model Heather Mills, but Roman Abramovich is probably bending over right now, as the Chelsea owner and billionaire of dubious origin may have to pay anywhere between $2 billion and $11 billion in his own divorce settlement. Romy's worth is pegged somewhere around $22 billion, and the settlement should not affect his ownership of the London football club, or his other business dealings. Daria Zhukova, the daughter of an oil magnate who was jailed previously for arms smuggling (I know, shocking in Russia), has been linked to the 11th richest man in the world since October of last year. And this doesn't play with Irina, his wife of 15 years, apparently. Not that I'm insinuating anything in regard to the nature of Abramovich's dealings, but wouldn't it have been cheaper just to have the wife taken out? [SABCnews, MosNews]

Echoing a sentiment from this Gooner, Arsene Wenger feels Thierry Henry's fitness problems stems from his misuse in the French national team. I have to say seeing TH14 play a full 90 in a friendly immediately after the World Cup Final would piss me off too if I was Wenger. I'm sure he wasn't the best of friends with Raymond Domenech, but it's gonna be downright chilly in the room the next time they meet. Paul Doyle from the excellent Guardian SportBlog tells us why it's just an off year for the Arsenal captain. [Guardian SportBlog]

Valencia defender and hit-and-run artist David Navarro has been handed a 7-month ban after breaking Nicolas Burdisso's nose during last week's melee with Inter Milan after the Spanish side knocked the Italian Serie A leaders out of the Champions League. Navarro's ban was the result of his running onto the pitch (he was a substitute), punching Burdisso's face as he was held back by players from both teams, and promptly running away. Hilarity ensued as several Milan players attempted to bring down Navarro from behind with tackles and even a clumsy Cantona-style kung-fu kick. If you haven't seen the incident, check it out here. [Reuters, YouTube]

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Chelsea: Too small, but feels nice on the skin

No matter what you think of the Special One, he certainly has a way with words - I thought I was reading a quote from Ian Holloway, but with a bit more cognitive oomph behind it:

"It's like having a blanket that is too small for the bed," Mourinho said of his limited options. "You pull the blanket up to keep your chest warm and your feet stick out. I cannot buy a bigger blanket because the supermarket is closed! But the blanket is made of Cashmere! It's good."

With skipper John Terry set to return this weekend, perhaps we're seeing the end of the Blues' bad run of form lately, despite losing Ashley Cole to a knee injury. A double with Arsenal is what remains of future matches with fellow top-four clubs, and only six points separate them from Manchester United.

In more news concerning the vibes surrounding Stamford Bridge, former World Cup winning Italian coach Marcello Lippi throws his European man-purse into the ring as the potential successor to the Portugeezer.

Mourinho rues 'bad' Cole injury [Daily Telegraph]

Lippi: Chelsea would love me [The Sun]

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Grown men and handbags

Ooh, it's heating up at Stamford Bridge. In the course of just a week or so, there was rift between Jose Mourinho and Roman Abramovich, a backing down by the Russian tycoon, and possibly a potential coup. Roman's buddy Avram Grant, of Maccabi (both Tel Aviv and Haifa) and Israeli National Team fame, is set for a move to Chelsea. Apparently, Grant will help Andriy Shevchenko with his struggles (being rich, model wife, can't score goals). Think Jose will last the season? [Guardian]

Oh Hleb, why now? Arsenal midfielder, feeling the Gunners have been left out of the spotlight, decided to give his uninvited opinion on Sheva. Perhaps Arsene Wenger is feeling left out in the London papers with all that's going on at the Bridge. [The Sun]

And since we're talking verbal handbags, how about two men who should know better, given their class and influence in the game. [Telegraph]

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The Late Grab: 01.12

My sad attempt at getting SMiA into our favorite strip (are you reading this, Darby Conley?): Mac Manc McManx has gotta love the fire of Stuart Pearce (suspiciously never seen in the same picture as the Geico gecko) as he decides what to do with his struggling side. [Wikipedia, Guardian]

The Citizens travel to Bolton on Saturday, so it's Psycho against Big Sam at the Reebok. It's fifth place v. tenth place, as Allardyce's crew battle for a European spot and City attempt to stay in the top half of the table, coming off of wins in their three last league matches. [ComeOnBoro]

A source close to Jose Mourinho has revealed that the Chelsea gaffer will leave Stamford Bridge in May. It could mean the end of Roberto Mancini at Inter or Carlo Ancelotti at Milan. [The Sun]

In other er, news, Becks reveals he had a few chats with everyone's favorite elfin freakshow, Tom Cruise (SMiA was unable to find his Scientology name). How long do you think it took Becks to find out Maverick was having phone sex with him? [XtraMSN New Zealand]

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Why can't we all make a difference?

No, not another Beckham Watch; I just couldn't resist posting the pic above due to its sheer ridiculousness. Anyone see the interview where he said he was "doing it for the kids"? Good stuff. Here's a little bit of the reaction on the other side of the pond.
[Reuters]

Non-Chelsea fans have to be looking forward to the prospect of Jose Mourinho leaving the Blues. While I do believe he's worked some magic at Stamford Bridge, this should be a worthy saga in the near future. You've got the perfect clash between coaching genius and dubious wealth, with some overpaid superstars caught in the middle. And, you have a world-renowned coach that could easily make the in-house move (Hiddink is bankrolled by Roman Abramovich) from the Russian Football Federation to Chelsea.

The interesting thing about this is the nature of the rift between Mourinho and Abramovich; who'd have thought it was going to begin with disagreements over the transfer kitty? With JT still out after his recent back surgery, the Blues' spine on the pitch is quite thin, and the big money signings Sheva ($54M transfer fee) and Michael Ballack ($245,000/wk) continue to unimpress. Of course, JM's started up his bitching machine, tucked somewhere behind that frontal lobe labelled "Special One". With Manchester United re-establishing their strength, and an Arsenal squad that should compete in the next coming years, Mourinho's impending departure is more than just another manager leaving the league at the top of his game.
[Caught Offside]

Speaking of bitching gaffers, Rafa Benitez has found another reason why his squad's sucking it up so bad lately, after explaining why he just couldn't be bothered to compete in the League Cup.
[Goal, Irish Examiner]

Ally McCoist follows Walter Smith back to Ibrox. Clive Tyldesly tells us why the Scotland telly legend is good craic.
[Telegraph]

Remember when Bisan Lauren was the beast at the back that paired so well with Kolo Toure? Well, he's an old man of 29 now and hasn't touched a ball with meaningful intent in over a year, so Wenger's going to let him go in January. With a depth of young talent at the back for the Gunners, there's little chance of the Cameroonian defender to break back into the starting line-up. Unfortunately, Alan Pardew is not longer at West Ham, so I can't write a snide article about his love of foreign players.
[Sky Sports]

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Arsenal, Chelsea stutter as Red Devils triumph

After the holiday break, it's still tight in the middle of the top half, with four points separating third from sixth, and some deciding matches came about on Saturday, most notably Sheffield United's 1-0 win over Arsenal. Arsene Wenger's young squad can look absolutely horrible when they lack key players, like Fabregas, Hleb and Adebayor. While I often think Alexander Hleb can be disposessed easily at times, at least he runs at defenders and causes trouble, and the energy of Fabregas is always missed when he's not starting. Of course, the nervy performances by the back four are another thing of worry in Gooner nation, and it looks like a good time to welcome back the skipper Thierry Henry. A loss like this surely solidifies the fact that Arsenal are in another dogfight for 4th place this year, and can only hope to regain fitness and rhythm before the restart of their European campaign in February. [BBC Football]

Chelsea can also hope to benefit from the time between now and the knockout round of the Champions League. The loss of skipper and defensive power John Terry has revealed a holey defense, as they find themselves coming from behind a lot in recent matches, something last year's squad wasn't used to. And the same can be said of dropping points, which is exactly what the Blues did today at Stamford Bridge against Fulham, which sees league leaders Manchester United go six points clear after their win today. A perfect opportunity for Jose Mourinho to begin the mind-tweaking, as he claimed some of his players don't contribute at all (poor Sheva). Like Arsenal, Chelsea wasn't able to come back, as they should have against the quality of their respective opponents, and it has cost them dearly in the race for the top spot. [SportingLife]

For Fergie, well he's just riding high after the holiday, and he's got perhaps the best young talent in the Premiership with Cristiano Ronaldo at the moment. The villian (for England) from this year's World Cup is having an incredible season, and despite retaining his penchant for hair product and Eurotrash style, he's dropped the needless flair and converted his technical skill into goals. He's just another example of Fergie's ability to mold winning teams. The effectiveness of Paul Scholes, Ole Gunnar Solsjaer, and Ryan Giggs have diminished little when it comes to winning games, because their intelligence and instincts can compensate for aging. A 3-2 win over Reading put the Red Devils six points clear of Chelsea at the top of the Premier League table. In a high-stakes game where consistent performances are keys to success, off-days are the kind that Manchester United have taken care to avoid, which can't be said for the rest of the pack. [Telegraph]

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The Grab: 12.24

Another (sort of) coaching swap, this time in the EPL, as Pardew gets a second crack at staying up, and he gets to stay in London too. If you're lucky to have the week off, check out his first start as his new squad welcomes Fulham on Wednesday. [Fox Sports]

Abramovich vows to spend less in the transfer market, that is unless they get can get someone for around $30M to keep Wayne Bridge company. And he gives a rare interview. [ESPN Soccernet, Guardian Unlimited]

Sadly, I was joking earlier with AC about who the nutter was that would wake up so early (on the West Coast) to watch this match, ultimately deciding its impending fate as anything but a snoozer. [Sporting Life]

There's a full EPL Boxing Day schedule on Tuesday, December 26. Some games of note:

Chelsea v. Reading
8:00 am EST Setanta Sports

Tottenham Hotspur v. Aston Villa
8:00 am EST Fox Soccer Channel

Blackburn Rovers v. Liverpool
10:00 am EST Setanta Sports

West Ham v. Portsmouth
10:00 am EST (delayed) Fox Soccer Channel

Manchester United v. Wigan Athletic
12:30 pm EST (delayed) Setanta Sports

Watford v. Arsenal
12:30 pm EST Fox Soccer Channel

As always, check your local listings.

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The Grab: 12.19

You gotta love the EPL, or all of Britain if you like, cultivating the drama surrounding top flight teams, their gaffers, and the stupid (and sometimes true) things they say. Will the Toffees sue the Special One over his criticism of Andy Johnson?

Considering Moyes' boys from Liverpool have more to worry about than what some Portugeezer said about their dynamo up front (qualifying for Europe, perhaps), is this the best on offer for Christmastime controversey? Falling just short of labelling the sometime England forward as a cheat, which in itself is quite rich considering what the entire footballing world thinks of Chelsea's forward men.

All I can say is that I'd be surprised if anything came of this, and this is even more boring than when Jose Mourinho called Wenger a "voyeur". It is a French word, after all. But then again, perhaps so is "diver".

Everton court legal action unless Jose withdraws Johnson diving claims [Daily Mail]

It's just getting a bit desperate now, isn't it? Will the Queen's favorite Canuck ever make it to Old Trafford? Funny how he was happy as a clam in Munich, and now that Sir Fergie wants him, he misses his family (in England)? Let's just hope he doesn't disappoint like Michael Carrick when he becomes a Red Devil.
Citing family, Owen Hargreaves says he wants to play in England [Calgary Sun]
Bayern rule out January Hargreaves sale [Guardian Unlimited]

Apparently everyone just wants to get the League Cup out of the way [BBC Football]

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The Grab: 12.12

Curbs in negotiation with Hammers for $3.4M [Telegraph]

Things aren't looking up for Sheva, and will the Portugeezer go shopping in January? Of course, Arsene Wenger has something to say. [The Independent, Guardian Sports Blog, Times Online]

More Wenger: Foreign players? Great. Foreign owners? Not so great. [Sky Sports]

"We're happy to be here . . . now if you don't mind, can you just give us the Cup and we'll be on our way . . . " Rijkaard claims Club America have an advantage in the FIFA Club World Cup.
[24-7]

How many satirical Mastercard commericals are being created as I type? Ah, what the hell . . .
Match tickets to watch your team play a boring 4-5-1 in World Cup qualifying? Several thousands of dollars. Watching FIFA do its best to emulate the most corrupt of third world countries as it controls the largest arena for the world's largest sport? Priceless. [Yahoo Sports]

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The Grab: 12.11.2006

Pizzagate revisited. Nice to see Ashley Cole and Cesc Fabregas ensuring the competition stays alive, with a little handbags in the tunnel after Sunday's 1-1 derby at Stamford Bridge. [Teamtalk]

Another Yank, the Gooner David Hirshey, gives us his take of the London derby. [Deadspin]

Whatever happened to Freddy Adu's trial with Manchester United? Was it Man U or Man City? Oh well, whatever, he's been traded. [ESPN Soccernet, IHT.com]

Les Bleus' beloved Platini is going to run against incumbent Lennart Johansson, of which we know very little (normal for a Swede?) for the top spot at UEFA. We know about Michel Platini. [Guardian, Wikipedia, YouTube]

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