Rebecca Lowe, Ian Wright's spawn, and David Beckham

Er, yeah . . . how many of these did you make?

While SMiA loves anything footie-related, Rebecca Lowe may be the main reason we tune into Football Matters every week. [Guardian]

Ian Wright Wright Wright has a kid that likes to fight fight fight. [The Sun]

Becks finally sorts out the rest of his Galaxy career. [Daily Mail, Examiner]

Mein Gott! The EPL is getting too big. [Reuters]

Klinsmann feels the heat. [DW]

The original Ronaldo makes his return and takes one to the eye. At least it isn't a penis. [NY Times, Reuters]

Soccer in Somali. [CSM]

Is the Honeymoon Over?

Apparently TJ Simers has a problem with David Beckham's performance, or lack thereof, since arriving on our shores. Interestingly, if you look at DB's goal-scoring record (admittedly not the only metric to appraise a player, especially one of his position and limited ability) it doesn't differ that much from his time at Real Madrid, where he averaged a goal in nearly every 8 games.

Bitter and pissed off at being denied an interview request? This is the LA Times, man!!! I'm the California Sports Writer of the Year (2000) goddammit!!!

But seriously, did it take you this long to realize the limited impact Goldenballs would have on the MLS and everything remotely connected to soccer? I bet TJ was lauding DB's praises when the deal was first announced.

So much for Beckham being a voice for MLS [LA Times]

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David Beckham's Huge Footprint

We all know Goldenballs will travel to the ends of the earth to play for his country, his club, and most likely, to get as far away from Posh as possible. Even though there are a handful remaining in England that still think he has something to offer, apparently Becks' jetsetting isn't so great for our planet.

While DB's flying back and forth, in the hope that he's still needed on both sides of the pond, is admirable, and no different than the carbon footprint of any CEO, socialite or Roman Abramovich, I believe there is a more subtle issue underneath all of this.

If Zinedine Zidane were doing the same thing in his prime, would we care? Is it really the carbon footprint we care about, or the fact that DB's past his prime? And let's be honest, he's not that good that he's needed everywhere (actually, in the Galaxy's case, they need all the help they can get).

Thankfully, he can just pay some illegitmate "organization" to plant trees for every micron of CO2 he's responsible for and it makes everything okay. Since we're on the subject, how many trees will the Beckhams have to plant to make up for the plastic in Posh's body?

Beckham leaves massive global 'footprint' [Fox Sports]

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Beckswatch: 07.12

It's been awhile since I've really sung the praises of Goldenballs and his regal damsel. For those of you who love the new Galaxy midfielder, you'll be happy to see him gracing not only Sports Illustrated (with a more-than-complimentary expose by Grant Wahl) but also the cover of Mrs. BL's favorite too-fucking-big-to-stuff-in-the-mailbox fashion mag W, where Becks and Posh look blissfully unaware of just how stupid their contrived pose looks.

I've gotta give Becks some man-love at this point though. First, for managing to stay married to his walnut leather covered praying mantis of a wife, while avoiding Lampardesque embarassing moments. Second, the guy's a good-looking cat, which makes the ladies' love of him much more bearable, than say, elfin Thetan Tom Cruise. Third, there was a time, long before he became as famous as he is now, where he was one of the best midfielders in an incredibly good Manchester United side. And finally, I've realized that DB is what A-Rod (NY Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez for those of you across the pond) wants to be. Since I think A-Rod is a sniveling shit who needs love like a deaf and blind orphan (although he may be the greatest baseball player of our time), this places Sir David in a higher category on my hierarchy of athletes. Congrats, Davy, you're not a schumck, at least not yet (living in LA will most likely change this) [The Sun]

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Ciao Beckham

Much love David . . . now make a goal for L. Ron

It's goodbye for Goldenballs as he begins his new career as ambassador of sock-ah (for the kids, of course) after helping los Merengues (along with Man U throwaway Ruud van Nistelrooy) to their first piece of silver in four years. In February, Fabio Capello was dead man walking, reportedly having resigned as Real Madrid's Champions League hopes were extinguished. After Becks' decision to count his fortune in Los Angeles instead of Madrid, both club president Ramon Calderon and Capello had nothing but shit to talk about the "disgraced" England skipper as he was seemingly losing pace and looked ineffectual.

Fast forward four months (with only one loss in their last 17 matches), and Becks was making a much-deserved victory lap around the Bernabeau, wrapped in an England flag as his wife watched from the stands with an elfin Tom Cruise wearing ridiculously large sunglasses (it's a night game, you schmucks) beside his vessel of Thetan spawn, Katie Holmes. Nobody seemed to care that it was the Arsenal castaway Jose Antonio Reyes, and the youth of the team that sealed the deal for Capello and Co, choosing to focus on the superstar midfielder with a penchant for dead ball magic. A wonderful build-up of play with Ruud's replacement, Gonzalo Higuian, and Robinho lead to Reyes' equalizing goal, and a powerful header from Mahamadou Diarra that bounced in off of Mallorca's man at the post did enough to silence Barcelona fans, who were watching their team thump Gimnastic 5-1. After the first goal, Mallorca sat back, trying in vain to defend a draw, a tactic perhaps more due to the overall skill level of the mid-table club than the 3M euros paid to them from Barcelona.

It's hard to see the departure of David Beckham and Roberto Carlos as anything but good for the future of Real Madrid. While Capello's future with the club may be unclear, we can see what madristas can look forward to after the last remnants of the Galictcos are gone from the pitch. While Carlos can be effective and dangerous in attack, for me, he embodied the porous nature of the Real Madrid backline, despite some big names back there. And, as soon as they move from the one-dimensional (albeit brilliant) attack of Becks, we should see the full effect of the team's youth. If Robinho, Reyes, Higuain and Diarra stick around for awhile, as well as Fabio Capello, Barcelona's got some legitimate competition in the next few years. If there's anything Ramon Calderon can do to further alienate himself from los Galicticos of Florentino Perez, it's to stick with the gaffer and allow the much-awaited youth to write another chapter for the Spanish giants.

Beckham's farewell cut short but he still departs a winner [Guardian Unlimited]
CAPELLO OUTLINES REAL COMMITMENT [Sporting Life]
Seasons in the sun: how Beckham fared in Spain [Times Online]

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Brr . . . I must be so used to LA now . . .

. . . . I forgot London's so cold (and to wear a bra)

The Drunk Off Their Ass List: The Beckhams [Kickette]

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The Grab: 01.16

With all the problems Andriy Shevchenko has encountered this year, this has to be the worst thing to surround the Ukrainian striker, who continues to disappoint on the pitch. If there's anything that's universally supported in the sporting world, besides various groupies and platinum wives, it's er, trust and camaraderie. [Mirror]

As much as I think David Beckham moving to MLS to make the kind of money he's going to make is ridiculous in so many subjective ways, something has to be said about Real Madrid finally getting a taste of their own medicine (Getfuckedophynol 330 mg). Not one to allow some overrated footballer/male model get away with the injustice of leaving the Bernabeau, Ramon Calderon obviously feels he needs to expand on his true feelings for the former galactico. [BBC Sport]

In perhaps retaliation toward the man who brought the former England captain to the Bernabeau, Calderon also decides to point a Castilian finger at the Florentino Perez, for apparently ruining his chances of getting the Brazilian midfielder Kaka to come to Madrid. [Goal.com]

Given West Ham's apparent unpopularity in the transfer window, they seem to be able to find players to transfer out, namely Javier Mascherano. Like Carlos Tevez, very little has been heard (or seen) from the Argie duo, but can he make an impact in the midfield at Anfield? [Setanta]

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The Late Grab: 01.12

My sad attempt at getting SMiA into our favorite strip (are you reading this, Darby Conley?): Mac Manc McManx has gotta love the fire of Stuart Pearce (suspiciously never seen in the same picture as the Geico gecko) as he decides what to do with his struggling side. [Wikipedia, Guardian]

The Citizens travel to Bolton on Saturday, so it's Psycho against Big Sam at the Reebok. It's fifth place v. tenth place, as Allardyce's crew battle for a European spot and City attempt to stay in the top half of the table, coming off of wins in their three last league matches. [ComeOnBoro]

A source close to Jose Mourinho has revealed that the Chelsea gaffer will leave Stamford Bridge in May. It could mean the end of Roberto Mancini at Inter or Carlo Ancelotti at Milan. [The Sun]

In other er, news, Becks reveals he had a few chats with everyone's favorite elfin freakshow, Tom Cruise (SMiA was unable to find his Scientology name). How long do you think it took Becks to find out Maverick was having phone sex with him? [XtraMSN New Zealand]

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Why can't we all make a difference?

No, not another Beckham Watch; I just couldn't resist posting the pic above due to its sheer ridiculousness. Anyone see the interview where he said he was "doing it for the kids"? Good stuff. Here's a little bit of the reaction on the other side of the pond.
[Reuters]

Non-Chelsea fans have to be looking forward to the prospect of Jose Mourinho leaving the Blues. While I do believe he's worked some magic at Stamford Bridge, this should be a worthy saga in the near future. You've got the perfect clash between coaching genius and dubious wealth, with some overpaid superstars caught in the middle. And, you have a world-renowned coach that could easily make the in-house move (Hiddink is bankrolled by Roman Abramovich) from the Russian Football Federation to Chelsea.

The interesting thing about this is the nature of the rift between Mourinho and Abramovich; who'd have thought it was going to begin with disagreements over the transfer kitty? With JT still out after his recent back surgery, the Blues' spine on the pitch is quite thin, and the big money signings Sheva ($54M transfer fee) and Michael Ballack ($245,000/wk) continue to unimpress. Of course, JM's started up his bitching machine, tucked somewhere behind that frontal lobe labelled "Special One". With Manchester United re-establishing their strength, and an Arsenal squad that should compete in the next coming years, Mourinho's impending departure is more than just another manager leaving the league at the top of his game.
[Caught Offside]

Speaking of bitching gaffers, Rafa Benitez has found another reason why his squad's sucking it up so bad lately, after explaining why he just couldn't be bothered to compete in the League Cup.
[Goal, Irish Examiner]

Ally McCoist follows Walter Smith back to Ibrox. Clive Tyldesly tells us why the Scotland telly legend is good craic.
[Telegraph]

Remember when Bisan Lauren was the beast at the back that paired so well with Kolo Toure? Well, he's an old man of 29 now and hasn't touched a ball with meaningful intent in over a year, so Wenger's going to let him go in January. With a depth of young talent at the back for the Gunners, there's little chance of the Cameroonian defender to break back into the starting line-up. Unfortunately, Alan Pardew is not longer at West Ham, so I can't write a snide article about his love of foreign players.
[Sky Sports]

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The Grab: 01.12

17 points behind and the odds to win the SPL are 11-10. With Walter Smith in charge, and none of that funny continental business at Ibrox, Bluenoses have something to hope for and an accent they can understand. Maybe he'll kick some ass, too. [Glasgow Daily Record, Herald]

One of the smartest moves of a footballer in perhaps history, Becks can solidify himself in LaLa Land, but is this going to happen to him? Despite being only six points behind Manchester United, things are not well at Stamford Bridge. [Telegraph, Sky Sports, Independent]

And speaking of Becks, can American soccer fans begin hoping for a flood of topflight European players at the end of their careers? Who knows, maybe we could see Luis Figo on these shores. [The Sun, Gulfnews]

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Can Becks save MLS?

Oh, where to start with this whole Beckham + LA = Galaxicos. Well, you have to admit it's a bit out of character for the MLS, but can Becks bring droves into footie grounds, or even the Home Depot Center, in a town where they can't even sustain a pro American football team (USC, contrary to popular belief, does not count)? Today's Fiver said it best:

It's no big surprise that Becks opted to take the Yankee dollar - after all, the deal in question is worth a wallet-busting, jaw-dropping £128m (over £492,000 a week! £70,285 a day! £2,928 an hour!) to the washed-up 31-year-old who, even in his sari-wearing, Brylcreemed, petulant pomp, was one of the most over-rated players ever to kick a football.

In dollars, Becks will be making nearly $249M for his five year deal. Apparently, less than 20% of the deal are his actual wages, so the cost of having a one-dimensional, aging and slow midfielder (besides Cobi Jones) for the LA Galaxy comes just under $10M a year. Despite appreciating the Beckhams for providing SMiA with countless (and meaningless) fodder with which to ridicule them, it's unfortunate that MLS thinks this is what they need to grow this league.

Couple that with the fact that Becks is 32, had little impact in La Liga, and nothing to offer internationally, it's a crime in my book that he's going to make this much bank. There are countless other players that could invigorate MLS with their quality of play, rather then their marketable face and mummified ex-Spice Girl missus. Zinedine Zidane? Luis Figo? Even Ronaldo would have more of an impact, in my opinion. You'd be surprised how many middle-aged players at the decline of their career that could collectively boost the popularity of the league with technique and skill, if not pace.

I would like to see myself eat my words, and I would like to see MLS take it to the next level, of say, at least the Scandinavian leagues. I would like to turn on an MLS game and see a higher level of play. Sadly, I don't see that happening, but we'll keep you posted on the royal couple's arrival, right down to their first trip to Wal-Mart.

Global icon David Beckham signs with the Los Angeles Galaxy in landmark deal [Galaxy Press Release]

An older Beckham still has plenty to offer MLS [ESPN Soccernet]

FACTBOX - The life and career of David Beckham [Reuters India]

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The Grab: 12.13

YouTube Watch: More good stuff from the Guardian Sports Blog. [Guardian Unlimited]

BeckhamsTM Watch: Who ever said Posh was miserable? And a cow? While it is a commonly used default term for any British female, I think she's got her c-words confused. [Entertainmentwise]

You say it's growing? Nice one, Titus . . . . oh, you mean your real leg? I thought you were referring to your night out in w/Keano's lads. [SportingLife, SMiA]

Wembley Watch: Are they still building Ford Pintos in Oz? Not a bad car, really, except you have to pull over and get out for an hour or so to close the sunroof. [Guardian Unlimited]

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