When Will Barton's Luck Run Out?

Yes, it is that special time again. No, I'm not talking about the transfer window or the upcoming start of domestic leagues. I'm talking about another round of Joey Barton-bashing.

After receiving a four month suspended sentence (does anyone actually go to jail in the UK?) for his assault on then-teammate Ousmane Dabo during training at Manchester City, Newcastle would seemingly love to off-load the midfielder to Bolton. Wouldn't that be fitting? Joey Barton and Kevin Davies on the same team? Will there be any playing of the ball going on at the Reebok or is it just head-butts, late fouls and the occasional Kevin Nolan "Hang Loose" hand gesture after a goal (5 last year!)?

Most of you know that our Joey is much maligned here in the SMiA offices, but that's no surprise since pretty much everyone except possibly his mother and incarcerated brother think he's a degenerate. The most puzzling thing is the amount of chances this guy gets. We've compiled a partial list of his virtues in the past, and I can't figure out why no one's said, "Right, just toss him in the clink for some real time and see how tough the little shit is". The most insulting thing is that the judge even took the time to try and make JB understand:

"As a professional footballer you are someone who is talented and greatly idolised by young and old alike whether you are playing at Manchester City and now at Newcastle United.

"You are constantly in the public eye. You have a high profile, there would be instances of provocations ... being an idol brings with it responsibilities which you have to carry with you all the time.

"You want to be setting an example, particularly to those who idolise you, particularly youngsters who look up to you."

How about just telling him he's a piece of trash and should go to prison for the maximum? If you can ban a fan from his team's stadium, and if you can ban Eric Cantona for half a season for an errant karate kick, the least you can do is make JB feel it where it hurts for essentially attempting to kill a teammate during training.

To make matters worse, the overrated midfielder is on over $120K/wk. Is this kid worth any money? Is the country so desperate for English talent that it compromises basic human ethics just to get this kid some touches on the ball?

Disgraced footballer Joey Barton escapes jail after pleading guilty to vicious attack on team-mate [Daily Mail]

CCTV of footballer Joey Barton in violent attack [YouTube]

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How do you treat a bad personality?

It looks like our favorite anti-social, Joey Barton, won't be turning out for the barcodes anytime soon. Apparently, the Newcastle midfielder needs a bit more work at Sporting Chance, the rehab facility that Tony Adams started. Sporting Chance director Peter Kay confirmed that JB has a lot of work to do at the clinic and patronized Fat Sam's training techniques in the same breath:

"We do not play keepy-up in the garden. We do work of a different nature. I will be appearing with him in court as part of the bail condition."

Silly Peter Kay. Everyone knows they don't play keepy-up at Newcastle's training sessions, opting instead to place Mark Viduka in the box and have the remaining players take turns booting long balls to the Aussie, in between making pomade-runs to maintain Alan Smith's coiffure. In short, no footie for Joey as they try to bleed the asshole out of him.

Sporting Chance Website

Therapist says Joey Barton faces long wait [Daily Telegraph]

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Joey's Jugg-tastic Jaunts in Nightlife

Hi boys . . . oh hi, I was just talking to my breasts . . .

Oh why must our footballers be so well-spoken and refined? Does anyone really buy David James' Renaissance man act when he eschews chocolate bars for a bit of salad? Wow, Dave, I bet you read the smart papers instead of the tabloids, like most of the EPL's intelligentsia. Forget about The Economist-reading, fine wine-appreciating, I've-got-my-finger-on-the-pulse-of-current-events footballers. What we really admire is those emotionally-stunted, never-opened-a-book lads, those ones that think a pair of ta-tas are an invitation to a quick release.

Which is why I love Joey Barton, in the complete opposite way I love anyone who plays this sport for a living. That is I love him because he's such a massive tool and I don't have to worry about any wavering respect on my part. Theirry Henry will always be loved as a classy player by me, but as his abilities diminish, so does his position at the forefront of my mind. With JB, all news is good news from him, because it usually involves him being a complete ass. Which I love.

Here's the lastest on JB, who is currently probably sitting on a cot in a Liverpool cell, wondering how it is that everyone is against him and what is it with his bad luck? Apparently, JB has a stellar way of getting a woman's attention/affection/or possibly to have sex with him and several teammates. It typically involves approaching a busty chick, sticking your face between her sweater fruit, along with pulling her hair a few times as well. Sounds good to me. I mean, who can say no to that?

Boozy Barton boob rub shame [The Sun]

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Barcode Busted

Cheek? I'll show you cheek . . .

Newcastle midfielder, pugilist and cigar aficionado Joey Barton is in yet another spot of trouble after he was allegedly:

'acting aggressively and bouncing from one group of people to
another, apparently looking for a fight' at around 5.30am.

Here are a few various offenses from JB's CV (at least the ones he's remotely criminally negligent of):

December 2004 - Uses a Man City youth team member's eye as an ashtray for his lit cigar.

May 2005 - Breaks pedestrian's leg in a late night collision while driving through the Liverpool city center.

July 2005 - Involved with a 15-year old Everton fan in an altercation during his team's preseason tour of Thailand, injuring City captain Richard Dunne as he attempted to step in and separate the two.

March 2007 - Arrested on suspicion of criminal assault and criminal damage after an alleged argument with a taxi driver in Liverpool while going to his hotel after a match.

May 2007 - Assaults teammate Ousmane Dabo during training, possibly ending the French midfielder's career with serious eye injuries.

You know those guys that you hate when you come up against them, but you'd love to have them on your team? I'd say JB isn't one of those guys.

Newcastle midfielder Barton arrested for assault [Daily Mail]

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Newcastle 1 - 1 Arsenal

Newcastle United v. Arsenal on Wednesday night lived up well to the hype preceding it. The league leaders and their fluent one-touch passing were heading up north to meet a struggling Magpie team.

Lean, svelte and mobile, Arsene Wenger's decimated squad (no Fabregas, Hleb or Flamini) seemed to represent everything foreign about the game, with the beanpole Wenger and the braided Bacary Sagna. And Sam Allardyce was about as English as one can get, with his long-winded, cliche-filled interview hopefully pleasing the 52,000 strong at St. James' Park, chief among them, the Geordie owner himself.

Arsenal opened the score sheet early, with a nice cross from the right from Eboue to hit Adebayor in front of the box, where he stopped the ball with his chest and volleyed home. A nice one-two combo from the Manus, but poor marking on the Magpies' part could easily be pointed to as well. From then on, the bar codes disrupted the Gunners' rhythm, and it was a public display of what all Gooners knew deep down ever since the season began. Without the vision and creativity of Cesc Fabregas, the threat of Alex Hleb and the grit of Mathieu Flamini, Arsenal are a completely different team.

To Newcastle's credit, Steven Taylor's equalizer was much deserved at the hour mark, and a wonderful team effort. James Milner's cross was flicked on by Alan Smith, dummied by Obafemi Martins and put away by the center back, who had remained upfield after a free kick.

Arsenal may be the team to beat this season; but if not for some dropped points early in the campaign, Manchester United have seem more dominant, although their record may not indicate so. There is a confidence, borne by experience and certainly by Sir Alex Ferguson, that accompanies much of what the Red Devils do. While the confidence and "belief" that Wenger loves to talk about is there, the absence of the aforementioned three would have been the difference between a gritty draw up north and an away victory.

While it does take some time to adjust to England's top league, Eduardo has yet to set the pulse racing, and was largely ineffective for most of the time he was on the pitch. How long until he gets dubbed the Andriy Shevchenko of North London, bagging goals for Croatia but none for his club side? Adebayor's first touch still continues to let him down, and Gilberto at times last night justified his place on the bench. Gael Clichy did not seem his usual imposing self either.

I used to think everything hinged on Cesc Fabregas. Now I'm not so sure. I'd say the majority of Arsenal's success is directly attributable to the young Spaniard, but it's the combination of him with Hleb and Flamini that really matter, which brings us back to the old adage about controlling the midfield means you control the game. From an optimist Gooner point of view, it's a point and an opportunity for more youngsters to get more playing time against a decent side in gritty hell (what else would you call St. James' Park for if you're not wearing black and white?).

The return of Robin van Persie and the excellent Lassana Diarra getting more time on the ball are definitely bonuses that will have an impact the rest of this campaign, but until Arsenal can learn to rise above the niggling negativity of the majority of the teams they play, silver may remain elusive.

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Eminem to Barcodes

It's no surprise that the top four never really change in the English Premiership, just the order in which they fall, and not by much at that. Much like the relegation battles that permeate the last half of seasons around the world, the honor of a UEFA Cup spot does present itself as a legitimate competition for most clubs, and without any irony.

Newcastle United, newly purchased, with a new bung-taking, cud-chewing gaffer and a few acquisitions so far, may be the club to contend with the likes of Tottenham, Everton and Fat Sam's old club, Bolton. The Magpies have always held a special spot in my heart, from the clinical power of Alan Shearer and the distinctive kit, to the rabid, pie-eating, venom-spewing fans that meet up on a regular basis to protest either the former chairman Freddie Shepherd or just the general malaise that seems to have fallen on the club.

Sure Jean-Alain Boumsong was a good joke, as was paying Michael Owen about $4M per goal up to this point. Lately, fans had taken to abusing Kieron Dyer, attacking his house and moe-tah after they learned the midfielder desired a move from St. James' Park (He's now seemingly on his way to West Ham). Well, now we have a mini-Leeds reunion in Newcastle, as Alan Smith looks set to join the Magpies on a 12M deal, which should see him up front with former Leeds-Middlesbrough frontman Mark Viduka.

While Allarydce is frustrated over the lack of big signings, you have to argue that the only way is up for the club. The Magpies finished in 13th postion last year and haven't won anything of significance since the FA cup in 1955. With Owen now healthy, David Rozenahl instead of the hapless former back line, and an attacking option in Geremi, Newcastle looks one or two midfield players short of a squad that can contend, but should give the clubs at the bottom half of the top ten a challenge.

[Times Online, BBC Football]

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The Grab: 12.13

YouTube Watch: More good stuff from the Guardian Sports Blog. [Guardian Unlimited]

BeckhamsTM Watch: Who ever said Posh was miserable? And a cow? While it is a commonly used default term for any British female, I think she's got her c-words confused. [Entertainmentwise]

You say it's growing? Nice one, Titus . . . . oh, you mean your real leg? I thought you were referring to your night out in w/Keano's lads. [SportingLife, SMiA]

Wembley Watch: Are they still building Ford Pintos in Oz? Not a bad car, really, except you have to pull over and get out for an hour or so to close the sunroof. [Guardian Unlimited]

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