The Seattle Muffin Tops

David Schmader over at the Stranger's blog, SLOG, gets the "Name our new MLS franchise" ball rolling. For the record, Schmader likes Rat Town Rushers, Emerald City Kick Squad, Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center Goal-Makers. These are the best from the comments section:

• Muffin Tops
• Seattle Portable Meth Labs
• Seattle Passive Agressives
• The Green River Killers
• Paul Allen Agonistes
• Phallic Geoduck Warblers
• Empty STANDERS
• The Hipsters

I can't wait to see what the Seattle Muffin Tops badge looks like.

Name That Major League Soccer Club [The Stranger]

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Adoption Never Sounded So Good

Aside from Mrs. AC's grocery list for Thanksgiving, this one on how to avoid being a soccer mom is the best list I've seen this week. My favorite:

Rule 4: Use younger siblings as an excuse for avoiding extracurricular events: "No, I can't do Environmental Awareness Day because I'm taking my youngest to the dentist." Stuck with only one child? Adopt. The free time you will gain is worth the extra kid.

Hey, there are a lot of children out there that need a family.










Five ways to avoid being a soccer mom [Christian Science Monitor]

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Quote Of The Day

"My town is a veritable soccer mecca. Each weekend every single man, woman and child can be found at the sports complex where hordes of children seemingly as young as six-months-old try to kick the crap out of the soccer ball as they move up and down the field in one big dust cloud. I don’t know this for sure, but I suspect the town council keeps a list of the soccer faithful and duly notes those in town, and there aren’t many, who refuse to drink the soccer Kool-Aid.

Count me in with that small, dysfunctional anti-soccer mob. However, one day I’m sure my new son, now only five-months-old, will toddle up to me and ask to sign up for soccer. As a supportive parent, regardless of my personal feelings about the game, I’m sure I’ll look down into his eager blue eyes and realize the universal appeal of the sport. At which point I’ll tossle his hair, hand him his very first Rawlings mitt and take him out back to learn the art of catching a fly ball."

-Mike Baker, offering a red state view of soccer.

Will 'Endless War on Terror' End in Global Soccer Game? [Fox News]

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Note To Youth Soccer: Keep An Eye On Your Treasurer

Mrs. AC would say "only in Florida" at a story like this. But I don't think a treasurer using a company/group as an ATM is particular to the Sunshine State, even though a lot of 'effed up stuff happens there.

If this is her mug shot, I'm not really sure what she's smiling about.

Soccer Mom Accused Of Stealing League's Cash [WESH.com]

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Umbro Gets Gobbled Up

As Reebok is to Adidas, Umbro will be to Nike. Eventually squeezed out and marginalized... But all you traditionalists out there need not worry, Brian Bartwick will calm your fears:

"We are delighted that the proposed acquisition will allow us to continue our strong historical relationship with Umbro while benefiting from the marketing expertise and financial strength of Nike. Nike has provided firm assurances that the FA relationship with Umbro will be protected and enhanced, and we look forward to working closely with both companies moving forward."

Expect England to be wearing Nike after the 2013/14 season.

Nike to buy Umbro in £285m deal [BBC]
FA announces long-term Umbro deal [BBC]

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Selling A Quality Product

How Lotto and Eurosport get away with selling this shirt I don't know. For the record, it's Colombia, not Columbia. Look it up.

Lotto Colombia T-Shirt [Eurosport]

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Nike Making A Move?

We could very well be seeing the end of Umbro as we know it. The soccer-only apparel company has seen it's stock hit new heights after it claimed that that it had been approached in a takeover bid. Reuters is backing up Umbro, reporting that Nike is the potential buyer making waves.

With Nike and Adidas already controlling huge shares of the soccer market, do we really want to see them gobbling up a bigger piece of the pie? And what if Umbro decides to sell? The third-most recognizable soccer kit maker, out of business, out of sight at major tournaments: how sad would that be?

Umbro Shares Surge on Approach; Nike Behind Bid, Reuters Says [Bloomberg]
UK's Umbro gets approach, sources say it's Nike [Reuters]

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Becks Feeling The Love

Not content with being on a terrorist hit list (allegedly), David Beckham is now one of the most Googled items in Britain, Venezuela, and Mexico. I get the UK, but Venezuela and Mexico?

For these three countries in particular, he joins these top searches:

• Nazi
• Hangover
• Britney Spears
• Homosexual
• Botox
• Viagra
• Kate Moss

Quite the company you keep Becks. And that's with hardly sniffing the pitch in the last couple of months.

Sex, Nazi, burrito and Viagra: Who Googles what? [Reuters]

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Promotion And Relegation In North America, But Not In The MLS

Nate DiMeo fires a shot across the National Hockey League's bow: adopt a soccer style promotion and relegation system. According to DiMeo, copying the EPL is the way to go:

You're not just rooting for your own favorite club and watching what happens at the top of the league. You're also watching teams duke it out at the bottom as they fight for survival. Plus, it means that there aren't perennial basement dwellers. Team owners have to keep investing in their team if they want to stay in the spotlight (and stay where the money is).

Now, I know that every sports bar in North America has a guy with a Wayne Rooney shirt prattling on about the greatness of relegation, and how baseball would be better if the Colorado Springs Sky Sox got their shot at the top. That guy is drunk. Don't listen to him. The other major sports are doing just fine as they are. They're raking in the big TV money and nearly all of the franchises have stable roots in their respective communities. The same cannot be said for you, dear hockey. You need promotion and relegation to survive.

It sure would be a hoot if the NHL promoted and relegated before the MLS.

My Plan To Save Hockey [Slate]

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Rangers Cast-off Gets His Stars

Congrats to one of BL's favorite characters, chef Gordon Ramsay. His "Gordon Ramsay at the London" restaurant was the only debut entry to be awarded two stars in the 2008 New York Michelin Guide.

I guess not making it with Rangers back in the mid-eighties was a blessing in disguise.

Gordon Ramsay's NY Restaurant Gets Two Michelin Stars [Bloomberg]
My Team: Gordon Ramsay on Rangers [Observer Sport Monthly]

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Poor, Obscure Tennis Player Hitches His Wagon To Henry (and Tiger)

Men's tennis world number one, Roger Federer, is hoping that signing up with Nike and Gillette (joining Tierry Henry and Tiger Woods) will broaden his profile here in the U.S. Sure, you might not know much about the guy, but it takes a diagnosis of blindness to have ignored Federer's success the last couple of years.

I'm sure that Henry is much too humble to compare his popularity in this country to Tiger, but I'd bet that Barca's new No. 14 would give Eldrick a run in the worldwide fame department.

Federer Says Nike, Gillette Will Help Lift Profile [Bloomberg]

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Winning Hearts And Minds

U.S. forces in Afghanistan intended to give the children of Khost province a gift they could enjoy. Instead, they ended up giving them a gift, soccer balls, that some residents in the region found blasphemous.

The soccer balls roughly resembled the photo at left, but had flags of the world printed on them, including Saudi Arabia's flag. The Saudi flag bears the shahada, the Muslim declaration of faith whose recitation is one of the five pillars of Islam. One Afghan MP explained the offense by saying, "To have a verse of the Koran on something you kick with your foot would be an insult in any Muslim country around the world." In the past, Saudi Arabia has complained to World Cup officials about the use of soccer balls bearing its flag.

Around 100 people in Khost, a province of about 300,000 people, chose to express their anger by holding a demonstration. The U.S. military said it simply didn't realize that some would find the soccer balls offensive. A spokeswoman said that U.S. forces work with local leaders to ensure they respect local culture. Perhaps, though, they also need a cultural "copy editor," a native of the region who reviews such actions for possible offense before giving the green light to go ahead with them.

Anger over 'blasphemous' balls [BBC]
Shahada: Confession of Faith [Religion Facts]

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Beckham Makes Another List

After being a part of lists based on such things as beauty and wealth, the Galaxy's savior has finally hit the big time: al-Qaeda hit list. Taking a page out of Joseph Stalin's playbook, David Beckham has joined the likes of Justin Timberlake and Eminem as a target of Islamist extremists.

As legend has it, Stalin threatened to assassinate John Wayne in an effort to silence the ardent anti-communist and deal a crushing blow to the American cultural machine against the backdrop of the Cold War. This being the new millennium, though, Beckham (as well as Wayne Rooney and Tierry Henry) was threatened not by the Soviets but by some al-Qaeda wannabes with internet access and a grievance against Western cultural imperialism. The threat came in the form of a video posted on YouTube.

Watching the video, though, it doesn't exactly seem like the most sophisticated of plots. There's a shot of Eminem in a newspaper with the headline, "This Is the Way to Hellfire." There's a photo of 2-Pac underneath the words, "Servant of Shaytaan." And a smiling Beckham is juxtaposed with the question, “What Made u Among the Losers?” In the end, it looks more like a low-budge PSA than a serious wake-up call to Western civilization.

Book tells how John Wayne survived Soviet assassination [Guardian]
Islam Base video [YouTube]

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Does His Basketball Coach Know That He Plays On A Dirt Pitch?

Nothing new here, everyone knows by now that two-time NBA MVP Steve Nash loves his soccer. But what kind of reaction would he get out of Phoenix Suns coach Mike D'Antoni if he busted up a knee playing on a dirt field in New York City?

We're not talking about the 12th man on the team here, this is Steve "effin'" Nash. We all witnessed what happened to the Suns when Amare Stoudemire was out for most of the 2005-06 season. If any kind of season-long injury were to afflict Nash while playing footy, the press would murder him, let alone the Phoenix fans.

It’s a Vision Thing for Nash in Soccer and in Basketball [New York Times]

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Well If The Brits Sitting In Front Of You Say So, Then By Golly, It Must Be True

Look, I wasn't at RFK last night, heck, I didn't even watch it on TV. But if you go by this account by Michael Yessis, the atmosphere at David Beckham's MLS debut was really something. And if you don't believe him, you can't refute the blokes he sat next to:

The three Brits sitting in front of us said it exceeded the atmosphere at most Premiership matches in England, where Beckham first made his name and gave birth to his global cult.

Well, that seals it for me, No. 23 has officially saved soccer in this country. I'm eternally grateful. I guess we've seen the last of all those "Beckham's a waste of money" stories in the press.

‘Egypt Hearts Becks’: Notes from David Beckham’s MLS Debut [World Hum]

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Quote Of The Day

"I'm a soccer fan first, a person second."

- John Oliver, Senior "Football" correspondent for The Daily Show.

Jon Stewart weighs in on Iraq’s Asian Cup Championship [World Cup Blog]

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Hippies Beat Adidas In Court

Those crazies in California are at it again, trying to impose their far-left mumbo-jumbo on the rest of us hard working Americans. This time they've gone too far, making it illegal for Adidas to sell their kangaroo leather boots anywhere in the state.

I don't get it, if you're going to BBQ the marsupial anyway, why not stitch together a couple pairs of Copa Mundials while your at it? It seems only right to not let that hide go to waste.

Damn you hippies.

Adidas Kangaroo Shoes Can Be Outlawed in California [Bloomberg]

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Galaxy Rub Hands Together, Start Reserving Brinks Trucks

While David Beckham might not bring a championship to Los Angeles, he will bring the cash. And if this report on how much he brought in for Real Madrid is to be believed, the Galaxy and MLS are going to be rolling in it.

Becks And Bucks [Forbes]

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Why There Are So Few Jewish Sportsman

Reader Mordachai Scheffller writes in concerning this post about the list of famous Jewish soccer players at The Kin of Fish:

You do know why there are so few famous Jewish sportsman, right? About the Secret of the Jews?

Ok, I tell you this in strictest confidence and ask you to never repeat it, ever. If it becomes known, I'll deny any knowledge of it and denounce it as another racist myth spread by anti-Semites, kapish?

You know how when you cut the stub of a young tree, it spurs radical regrowth eventually making it wider and taller? Or when you shave, stubble grows back much twice as fast? Well, circumcision has the same effect. It causes male Jewish genitalia to become disproportionately large and the added weight makes it difficult to compete in sporting events.

You're probably wondering why, if it this were true, you've never heard about it. Well, it's because concern over the continuation of the Jewish people: If shikses only knew about our groisse schlong they'd be all over us and it would be much easier to marry a non-Jew.

Now you know the secret, I urge you to keep it to yourself, lest you incur the wrath of the Jewish cabal that dominates the world.

Sounds about right to me.

Famous Jewish Soccer Legends [The Kin of Fish]

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It's About Time Someone Put Together That List

The Kin of Fish has put together a preliminary list of "Famous Jewish Soccer Legends." A great idea whose time has finally come.

I was ready to add the Daily Show's Jon Stewart and Jose Pekerman (if he'd been hired), but David Keyes of the excellent Culture of Soccer beat me to it in the comments section. If you can think of any of God's Chosen People who haven't made the list, drop Mr. Fish a line.

Famous Jewish Soccer Legends [The Kin of Fish]

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